Quality of life

I still have a sinking feeling when I think back when mom was around and how she added so much to my life. It's a empty and desolate reality facing the fact that I won't have that back ever again. I'm very lonely in some ways. Strangely even when I'm surrounded by many. Strangely even when I'm busy and not acutely aware of it. My quality of life has fallen many levels, it's not even comparable. Not only do I not have her I also do not have my grandmother either. Another unbelievably remarkable woman. Not sure what it takes to be ok with it all. Or when I'll let go and move on. It's not that I'm depressed, I'm not. But I am not as happy. Things were easier before, I had my lean on, my listener, understander, helper, encourager, like none other. Things were made better by her words and presence. I have my God who takes care of me everyday. My Jesus who is my shield and my strength. But it is ok to be sad and angry still sometimes. I'll be ok I'm sure of that. But I'll never be the same I also am sure of that. I know my God is real and I just want to believe we will all be together one day. That's the hope that I hold onto. 

Love is simple

A friend of mine told me of a conversation she had with my mom one day when they were at the beach wading in the beautiful water (her favorite thing to do). She remembers talking with her about love, which she often did, and remembers this simple yet profound statement that mama made
"Love is not found in the big fireworks, although they are nice moments, Love is found in the simple everyday things that people do!".
What a very true statement. I think its awesome how in tune she was with love, because she never truly had a true romantic love, with a person, her whole life. But God's love taught her more than any man ever could! :)

Do not worry about your life - Matthew 6:25

This actually happened on Jan 26 and 27 but I still wanted to share this with you.
i was having a particularly hard  time in my life. Feelings of hopelessness, feelings of guilt, worry, insecurities, conflicting feeling of what I should do with my life at that moment. I felt unsure about almost everything in my life. And on this day I was especially depressed. At the end of the night I wanted to read Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest, the classic and amazing daily devotional. I had already read it for that day but it was past 12am so I wanted to go ahead and read the next day. The title was "Look again and think..." and the featured verse at the top was Mathew 6:25 "Do not worry about your life..."  I felt a sense of relief already.
 Oswald says, "If the frontline of attack is not food or clothes, it may be about money or lack of money, friends or lack or friends; or the line may be drawn over difficult circumstances. It is one steady invasion, and these things will come in like a flood, unless we allow the Spirit of God to raise up a banner against it."   I felt like God was talking to me! I believed he was.
He also says "Whenever there are competing concerns in your life, be sure you always put your relationship to God first."
Verse 26  continues to reassure "Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into the barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?"
Just what I needed to hear!

Faith Hope Love

Mom had a thing for words. She always said there was power in words. "Believe" was one of her big ones and the verse 1Corinthians 13:13 was one of her favorite verses "And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love." She unwittingly lived by this verse. These three words were a huge part of who she was. 

So the great thing that happened to me the other day, I was trying to come up with a name for this site. I thought Faith  Hope Love could be a good name. But it was unavailable, of course :) So I grabbed the Bible and with it still mostly closed I was flipping though the pages outside edges to find 1 Corinthians. So once I saw the book name, I opened the Bible all the way. I went to start flipping back when I realized- there it was. I opened right to it. Just another way of God saying "I'm here" and so is mom. Subtly profound!

Reason for this site

I lost my mother September 15, 2010. She was in the passenger seat of my car as we were driving home from her weekly treatment at the Moffitt Cancer Center in Tampa. She was tired, but that was normal for her after treatments. I didn't realize what exactly was happening and I wasn't prepared for what was to come-following the next 10 minutes to the next hours, days and now months.

On January 18th at 4:16 am, sitting up in my bedroom, I was reading the book "Return to Love", when I realized something profound. My mom was my biggest influence for Christ in my life. I had lost the most vital natural transit to my connection to God- that I had always depended on. I was frozen and felt scared. How am I going to remain faithful without her always professing to me the wonders he was performing in her life (she was always faithful even through her struggles)? How am I going to remain focused without seeing the evidence of His powerful love through her? That love which transferred through to me, was like a vine that was now broken in the middle.

So the purpose of this site is to promote connections between people who would like to share experiences where God is evident in their life. A support group of people who love God and want His love to be expressed through them. Let's start sharing!

A Return to Love...