Quality of life

I still have a sinking feeling when I think back when mom was around and how she added so much to my life. It's a empty and desolate reality facing the fact that I won't have that back ever again. I'm very lonely in some ways. Strangely even when I'm surrounded by many. Strangely even when I'm busy and not acutely aware of it. My quality of life has fallen many levels, it's not even comparable. Not only do I not have her I also do not have my grandmother either. Another unbelievably remarkable woman. Not sure what it takes to be ok with it all. Or when I'll let go and move on. It's not that I'm depressed, I'm not. But I am not as happy. Things were easier before, I had my lean on, my listener, understander, helper, encourager, like none other. Things were made better by her words and presence. I have my God who takes care of me everyday. My Jesus who is my shield and my strength. But it is ok to be sad and angry still sometimes. I'll be ok I'm sure of that. But I'll never be the same I also am sure of that. I know my God is real and I just want to believe we will all be together one day. That's the hope that I hold onto.